


wish i was a baller

by cool lesbian (falloutblink182)



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff and Humor, M/M, everyone is a bro in this, gavin has a cat called boudica and shes a menace, inspired by some fanart i saw one time ill try and find it later, nines and connor are siblings and as such there is Sibling Rivalry™, nines claims 2 be done with gavins shit but indulges him anyway, rated teen bc nines says fuck a lot but in fairness thats only bc i say fuck a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:02:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22929907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falloutblink182/pseuds/cool%20lesbian
Summary: Gavin wants to be tall. That's it. That's the summary.Based on that Jenna Marbles video "I Want To Be Tall". Naturally.
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 9
Kudos: 64





	wish i was a baller

**Author's Note:**

> i don't think i've ever had more fun writing something than i did when writing this. 
> 
> title is from 'i wish' by skee-lo, the OG short king anthem. sorry, TMG.

Nines is in the living room trying to convince Boudica to _not_ eat his coveted monstera deliciosa - _please, wouldn’t you much rather eat Gavin’s headphones? Yes, that’s a good girl, thank you darling_ – when he hears music coming from the bedroom. He frowns in confusion – this isn’t the ordinary trashy 00’s pop that Gavin usually blasts, but something more akin to church music. When he hears Gavin start to sing along with the organ sounds however, his frown is replaced with a smirk and he makes sure his optic processors are switched to ‘record’ before going to confront the source of the music.

The music is coming from the bedroom, which, for some reason, is illuminated only by some dishevelled fairy lights and Gavin’s phone screen. Gavin himself is sat cross-legged on the bed with an ancient keyboard in his lap, pressing keys and warbling as if this were an everyday occurrence.

“ _I want to be tall! I want to be tall!”_

Nines bites back a laugh.

“What are you doing?” He double checks that he is still recording. Tina and Connor are going to _love_ this.

Gavin ignores Nines’ question and continues singing.

“ _I wanna be tall! I want to be tall!”_

“You want to be tall?”

_“I wanna be taller than I ammmm.”_

“I – okay,” Nines takes a second to try to understand. Gavin holds down a key on the keyboard. “Stop doing that! Stop!”

Gavin continues to sing and to scream. Nines can hear Boudica mewling angrily about the noise.

“ _I’m gonna be seven inches taller! I’m thirty-seven years old!”_

Eventually (mercifully) the song comes to an end. Nines goes to switch the keyboard off, but Gavin grabs his hand and kisses it clumsily.

“Whatsa matter baby, ya don’t like _Fur Elise_?”

“You were playing the Moonlight Sonata, dumb shit.”

“You call me such sweet names, my darling robo-muffin.”

Nines raises his middle finger up at him, but he does it with a smile, so Gavin counts it as a win.

* * *

“You two sicken me. Like, I genuinely think I’m going to throw up.” Contradictory to her words, Tina is watching the footage intently. Connor nods in agreement from where he’s sat next to her.

“I’m quite sure I don’t know what you mean, Officer Chen.” Nines says, knowing full well what she means.

“You know full well what I mean,” she says. “Seriously - _Robo-muffin?_ Jesus. _”_

“Many couples have pet names for one another.”

“Many couples are disgusting,” Connor pipes up, and Nines just smirks at him.

* * *

Nines follows Gavin back into the living room, who picks up Boudica and cradles her like one would a human baby as he explains his plan.

“I was going to try and find some big fuck-off platform boots,” he says, scratching Boudica’s belly and ignoring the way her claws are digging into his hands, “but I couldn’t find any at a reasonable price. Luckily, we live in the age of _adult entertainment,_ however, with outfits suitable for that sort of thing being more affordable. So…” He sets Boudica down and reaches under the coffee table. “…I thought these would do the job nicely!” With a flourish, he produces a pair of giant, glittery stripper heels.

Nines’ LED gets stuck on yellow for a moment.

“Fucking hell. Anything else?”

Gavin grins but doesn’t say anything as he disappears under the coffee table again and reappears with a long brown wig.

Nines resists the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose and sigh, but he does close his eyes and count to three before asking a question he knows he’s going to regret asking.

“And how, exactly, is a wig going to make you taller?”

Gavin wordlessly holds up a can of hairspray.

“rA9, save me from this ridiculous man.”

“I’m going to need your help with this,” Gavin says, waggling the can of hairspray in his hands.

“Of course you are.”

Gavin puts on the wig and walks into the kitchen, pulling Nines along with him by the arm. Two towels have been laid upon the kitchen floor, and Gavin slumps down unceremoniously and fans out the hair of the wig so that it is sticking out as far as it’ll reach.

“You want me to just – spray this?” Nines shakes the can. Gavin grins.

Nines doesn’t resist the urge to sigh this time, but he begins spraying the hairspray all the same.

“Is this everything you hoped deviancy would be? Spending quality time with your mans like this?”

Nines very valiantly resists the temptation to punch the hairspray can through Gavin’s skull.

“Oh absolutely - the very first thought I had when I gained sentience was _gee, I want nothing more than to use my newfound free will on helping that asshole Detective Reed become taller in the most idiotic way possible!”_

Gavin snorts, and Nines scowls at him.

“Don’t _move,_ idiot, or you’ll mess it up.”

* * *

Connor’s light is yellow.

“Was that–“

“It was sarcasm, Connor. That wasn’t really my first thought.”

Connor nods in understanding.

“Those heels are quite something, right Nines?” Officer Chen nudges him with her elbow.

Nines doesn’t have blood, but he feels his face flush with _something_ regardless.

* * *

After several more minutes of hair-spraying and blow-drying, Gavin finally sits up carefully and tries to look up at the monstrosity that’s on his head. Gavin has a ridiculously proud look on his face, and Nines is slightly concerned that the detective has gone loopy from inhaling hairspray fumes.

“So, Nines, what do you think?”

Nines surveys Gavin with the same intensity he would analyse evidence on a crime scene.

“I think,” he says drily. “That you are certainly taller.”

They go into the bathroom so Gavin can admire himself in the mirror. The hair waves slightly as Gavin walks.

“This,” Gavin gestures upwards. “Is the energy I desire. The presence I have wanted. With the shoes and an outfit that enhances my height, this will be _perfect.”_

Nines looks at his own reflection, gazing at the long-suffering expression on his own face before looking at Gavin’s reflection.

Gavin, catching Nines’ less than impressed look, frowns.

“Listen, Nines. You’re either with me, or you can leave.”

Nines raises an eyebrow and goes to leave, shutting the door behind him.

Only seconds later a weight flings itself onto his back and asks him where he thinks he’s going.

Nines gingerly peels his boyfriend’s limbs away from his body and throws Gavin onto the couch.

“Go and put your stupid outfit on, dickhead.”

Gavin disappears into the bedroom to put his stupid outfit on. Nines sighs, and wonders if there’ll ever be a way to convert his exasperated sighs into a renewable energy source.

He makes a mental note to ask Kamski about it when he next sees him.

* * *

“That’s actually a good idea,” Connor says. “You could power the whole of Detroit easily.”

“Have you asked Kamski about it?” Tina takes a sip of her coffee, wincing as she burns her mouth on it. Nines predicts she will take another sip and burn her mouth again in approximately 52 seconds. He says nothing about the coffee, but hums in response to her question.

“Yes, but he – he didn’t give me an answer. He just laughed.”

Connor tilts his head to the left slightly. “At you? Or at Gavin?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Hm.”

“Quite.”

* * *

“ _Are you ready?”_ Gavin’s voice echoes from the other room.

Nines lets Boudica jump into his arms.

“As I’ll ever be,” he calls back.

“ _New Year, new me -”_

“It’s March,” Nines says under his breath.

“ _I am taller than the last time you saw me!”_

Gavin comes out of the bedroom and –

“Suck it, haters.”

Nines loses it.

“Why are you laughing? I’m tall now! I’m taller than you!” Gavin makes his way carefully over towards Nines, struggling to walk in the ridiculous shoes, which only serves to make Nines laugh even more.

“ _You,”_ Nines eventually manages to get out. “are _such an idiot._ Where did you even get this outfit? _When_ did you get this outfit?”

The outfit in question is a long, neon orange coat that goes past Gavin’s knees, bright purple flared trousers that reach the floor, and, of course, the stupidly high glittery heels. The outfit is an assault to Nines’ senses, and he wants to burn the whole thing. He tells Gavin so.

“With me still in it?”

Nines smiles. Gavin knows him so well.

“With you still in it.”

“Rude.”

Gavin turns on his phone camera and positions his phone on a bookshelf before dragging Nines into frame with him. Disregarding the absurd hair, Nines is still taller by a couple of inches than Gavin, even with the heels that he can’t seem to walk in normally. The wig, however, gives Gavin’s silhouette an extra foot of height, and Nines looks up at it apprehensively.

He catches a glimpse of the two of them on Gavin’s phone – they look ridiculous. Gavin looks like the lovechild of an electrocuted parrot and a circus tent, and Nines looks like a goddamn cat-burglar in his all black turtleneck and tailored trousers combo. He looks back at Gavin, a rush of _something_ pulsing suddenly through him, and feels the urge to kiss his ridiculous boyfriend – so he does.

He doesn’t have to bend down to do so.

He doesn’t know if he approves of that.

Gavin, meanwhile, looks elated.

“I can reach all the stuff you hide from me on the top shelves.”

“In theory you could. In practice I fear you’ll be far less successful seeing as though you can barely walk three steps in those shoes without holding on to me for dear life.”

“…fuck you.”

* * *

Tina regards Nines for a moment.

“Just out of curiosity, exactly how tall are you, Nines?”

Connor looks pained.

“I am six foot and four inches tall. That is seven inches taller than Detective Reed - and four inches taller than Connor.”

“You are such a prick,” Connor says.

“Takes one to know one,” Nines replies, and Tina rolls her eyes and quickly clicks play on the footage again before the two androids can get into one of their fights. They broke three chairs and the coffee machine last time, and maintenance took ages to come fix everything. It was hell.

* * *

Gavin is seated once more on the bed with the keyboard in his lap, the church music from before sounding out again. Nines sits against the headboard, legs spread out with his feet resting on Gavin’s thigh. He can’t tear his eyes away from the hair.

“ _I am tall… I am tall… I’m gonna dunk on you… I’m gonna dunk on you… I’m a very intimidating athletic tall person…._ Thank you.” The music fades out.

“Fucking hell. Are you finished?”

Gavin nods.

“Thank fuck.”

“Thank you, Nines, for helping me bring my vision to life. I would have liked some platform boots, so that I could properly tower over you but –”

“The universe hates you and wants you be short forever?”

“Yes. Exactly.”

Nines huffs out a laugh, and Gavin looks at him as if it’s the greatest noise he’s ever heard. God. Gavin is sat there in the most horrendous outfit that has ever had the misfortune of being put together, a hair-sprayed wig that has cat hair stuck in it, and blisters on his feet from where the heels have rubbed, and Nines has never been so in love.

Ew. Deviancy can be disgusting sometimes.

“Hey,” Nines says, his voice carefully neutral. “That coat and those trousers need to go back to whatever circus you got them from, and that wig is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen and we’re getting rid of it as soon as possible, but… I think we should keep the heels.”

Gavin raises his eyebrows, and it looks ridiculous with the wig. Ugh, Nines can’t believe he’s flirting with him when he looks this ridiculous.

“Don’t get me wrong, that sounds like all kinds of fun, but you saw me try and walk in them Nines – I looked like a new-born giraffe. Not exactly hot.”

“Who said that you would be the one wearing them?” Nines says with a wink, and slinks off the bed and out of the room, leaving a gaping, speechless Gavin behind.

There’s a certain satisfaction, Nines thinks, in being the only one with the ability to make Detective Reed shut the fuck up once in a while. It kind of makes all the ridiculous bullshit worthwhile.

* * *

Tina wheels away in her office chair in disgust. 

"Sickening!" She cries, and from the look on Connor's face, he agrees.

"I really, _really_ didn't need to know that much about your sex life."

Nines smiles sympathetically. 

"You're just jealous," he says, "Because if you were just a little bit taller, you would look as good as I do in those shoes."

Tina regrets leaving when she did. If she stayed, she would've been able to hold Connor back - hindsight is 20/20 however, and now they’re stuck with another broken coffee machine. 

Ugh. _Androids._

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading!! comments are my lifeblood !
> 
> also!! i have a ko-fi now! it's ko-fi.com/ghostsontoast if you have the urge to shoot a couple of quid my way - i'm struggling a little bit with rent and bills and stuff this month so it really would be appreciated <3
> 
> love u bye!


End file.
